Bikram. Days 26-30 and beyond.

Day 26.

Blah!

Day 27.

Tonight was marginally better than last night (I only sat out three or four sets), but it seemed like no matter what I did my heart would not stop racing. After class ended I lay on the floor for a long time. I didn’t want to get up.

This weekend the hot room was quite crowded; I think there were at least 15 people in both classes. The room didn’t necessarily feel hotter than usual to me, but definitely the usual energy was not there. Walking out of the room during a class is never an option for me but man, I couldn’t wait to finish.

Day 28.

Today was the last official day of the spring challenge. Because I missed the first day, originally I had planned to do one more double. However, Ball told me it was okay for me to complete my challenge the following day. After that, there was the question of whether or not I would do the double just to get it over with.

Going into class tonight I really had no idea what to expect. Honestly the last couple of classes were awful. Earlier today I sat outside in the gorgeous spring weather, thinking about how much I didn’t want to go to Bikram class tonight. I still debated whether or not to attempt a double and just be done with the 30-day thing.

Lisa was leading class (always a plus for me) and 10 minutes in, I knew I was going to have a good class. But I also knew at this point that I was not going to attempt a double. This determination actually freed me up to genuinely enjoy the class and to push myself on almost every posture. For me, doing Bikram has almost been more about consistency than an event per se. A few folks had encouraged me to do the double and I do want to do a double again soon, but for tonight I needed to listen to my body and not overdo it. It felt great to enjoy my class and not feel pressured to do something I wasn’t ready for, especially after such a difficult weekend.

Afterward I went by the 운동장 for some stretching. Unexpectedly, I performed the deepest backbend I’ve ever done. Also practiced a supported standing bow posture while chatting with a couple of ajummas. Later that night, my good friend R.W. crashed at my place. I demonstrated a couple of Bikram postures. It was humorous to watch him attempt half tortoise.

Day 29 (30).

My final day. The class was quite small; it seemed as if everyone took off after finishing the challenge. However, it was a very low-key class with no outstanding difficulties. A great way to finish.

Random thoughts.

1

The 30-day was the most I’ve ever exercised at any one time in my life. After finishing it, I found myself experiencing a couple of unexpected things. The first was that I was actually tired of Bikram yoga in general, and I needed to take some time off. I deliberately stayed away for at least one week, instead cycling outdoors as much as I could. And also beginning to catch up on a backlog of work. The second is that after resuming cycling, I noticed that I was hardly breaking a sweat. I would ride my bike at the Han River for three or four hours and not sweat nearly as much as I did in the hot room. It was disorienting. It almost felt as if I hadn’t exercised at all. It didn’t take long for me to start missing the hot room.

2

Returning to Bikram class after that week off, I didn’t know what to expect. Normally if I miss three or more straight days of Bikram, I find myself struggling to get back into the groove. It ended up being one of the best classes I’ve ever had. I felt strong on nearly every pose, especially locust and spinal twist (of all things). I didn’t hit anything or anybody. By the end I wasn’t even that tired. But just as significant was the fact that I didn’t feel any pressure. There was no sense of “OK, day 7, day 19, day 24, gotta maintain the momentum, gotta push myself to the end, etc.” It was a very normal Bikram class.

3

I’m extremely nearsighted, but the hot room gets so sweaty I always have to take off my glasses. As a result, I can never see myself clearly in the mirror; even when I’m in the front row, my vision of myself is still blurry. I’m used to it, and sometimes I’d rather not see myself so clearly anyway. It also forces me to listen more carefully to the instructor.

4

A few people have asked me about my goals. I’ve talked about being consistent and trying to keep myself in good shape. Recently several people have commented that I’ve lost weight and all of my pants definitely feel looser, but I haven’t weighed myself for the last two months. I rarely weigh myself; it’s not something I think about a lot. I didn’t set any goal for losing a certain amount of kilos or pounds. I tried to approach the 30-day very practically. Like, “I pay a ton of money for my membership, doing a class every day will help me get my money’s worth, I should finish what I started, I should try to get beyond the usual struggles with postures, the weather is still cold outside, etc.” The instructor says “namaste,” I think “dinner.” There’s nothing mystical about my practice of Bikram.

5

Several of my friends have said to me, “You must be good at yoga because you’re flexible.” A few other friends have joked about me sticking my foot behind my head. (Which I can’t do, by the way.) Strangely enough, since I’ve done Bikram regularly I’ve found myself caring less about my flexibility. Which is not to say that I don’t care about it all or that I shouldn’t improve it, but in the middle of a class I’m not thinking about how I’d like to be doing splits or other advanced poses. I’m sure the increased flexibility will come eventually, but I’m more worried about getting to the end of the 90 minutes without passing out or guzzling all of my water.

6

I realized that I am a control freak when it comes to certain poses. Sometimes in class I notice other students become visibly exasperated when they’re unable to perform a pose correctly. Some people groan out loud. I try to avoid showing anything outwardly (I’m already the tallest person in the room, I don’t need to draw any more attention to myself), but I discovered that with certain poses I don’t push myself because I’m afraid of falling over. Everyone falls over. Even experienced students fall over. But for me falling over is something I just try to avoid as much as possible. It’s not so much that it’s embarrassing or inelegant. It’s more about trying to maintain a sense of control over the posture. As soon as I lose my balance, I feel like I’m losing control. It’s easier to just not go all the way. This may not be big news to anyone besides myself, but honestly I’ve had this tendency for months and I didn’t become aware of it until two or three weeks ago. I haven’t completely overcome it, but slowly I’m learning to let myself go, especially with poses like standing head to knee. Toe stand will be the final frontier for me.

7

I saw a comment on the Facebook page about doing a mini challenge, like 10 days in a row. Which actually sounds like a good idea. Doing 30 days in a row has been really inconvenient for me, but practicing regularly (more than three times a week) does have some benefits. I don’t want to see my jeans become tight again.

8

Favorite poses: Full locust, standing separate leg, standing bow, wind removing, rabbit.

Most disliked poses: Locust, spinal twist, bow, standing separate leg head to knee (mainly because it comes right after triangle).

Most unpredictable poses: Fixed firm, camel, standing head to knee, half moon.

Most embarrassing pose in front of the mirror: Spinal twist.

Poses I practice at home or the outdoor exercise area: Half moon (mainly backward and forward), standing bow, wind removing.

Poses with which I’ve seen the most improvement: Half moon, awkward, standing bow.

Pose I’ve never performed completely: Toe stand.